Spending Some Time

As I sit here having coffee, enjoying the cool breeze coming through my sliding door, I am counting my blessings. God has been so good. There are simply no words that can fully describe the enormity of my gratitude.

Lately, I have felt myself becoming more and more quiet, desiring less and less to be around larger crowds, and spending more time introspectively analyzing my growth and purpose in all my journeys. I have had many journeys!

My singlehood has been so amazing. I have learned so much in these past “almost” 3 years. I knew the only way through all I’ve been through is to sit with myself and get to know myself again. To take the time to discover what is truly important to me versus what is not. I have spent time poking and prodding all my inner workings to truly get to know myself again. Like staring at the gears of a clock and studying how the gears all work in perfect unison. It is fascinating to see how it all works behind the scenes.

‘What is the difference between now and the past lessons you’ve learned, Adriana?’ The difference is this is the first time I’ve truly spent time alone looking in the mirror to pick apart who I am versus who I want to be, what I deserve and what I want. This Adriana is a whole new person. I am in love with her and who she has become.

Heartbreak doesn’t have to be the thing that drives you into that dark corner in the closet. Heartbreak should always be that force that pushes you to rise, learn the lessons from the obstacles you had to hurdle, find the courage and humility to face your own demons (because we all have them), and work on forgiving the other person, as well as forgiving yourself. Yes, yourself. For allowing as much as you did. And let me tell you that forgiving yourself is very, very hard! In the end, this all leads to healing in your own presence. That is when you realize how priceless your time is. I am 51 and my time is extremely precious. At best, I have 30-40 years ahead of me. It’s time to live to the fullest and relish in my growth and all I have accomplished—which is a lot. The very few closest to me know what I speak of, they know my history and my pain, loss, and suffering. Not only has my spirit and soul become stronger, my mind has exploded with new thoughts of life and it’s meaning.

Life is what you make it. No matter what the external influences are that surround you, find your blessings and focus on those while blocking out the negativity. Sometimes that means cutting people you love out of your life. Sometimes that means burying what was and unearthing what could be instead.

Doors open when you decide it’s ok to start over. So decide and watch your life blossom.

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