Bowing Out

If there is anything that 2020 proved to me when I was in the hospital is that my circle of friends was very small. Real friends. Then 2021 came around and I found myself reaching out to people, but realizing they just didn’t reciprocate. Conclusion? My circle is tiiiiiiny! All those other people draining my energy were there for just that…my energy. Never in my life had I ever recognized the truth I am sharing here now. It took being scared in a hospital bed, then a year of loneliness, and going through heartbreak, to truly see who I had valued over the years, but who had proven to not value me.

Why did I give so much of my energy to those who would never love me back? Who would never worry about me, make time for me, care for me, my kids, my heart, my anything while I worried about them, checked in on them, tried to make plans with them, etc? It’s a trauma response. It was the fear of abandonment. That’s why.

I vow to never again chase friendships or any other kind of relationship for that matter. Those that do not reciprocate I will willingly allow them to fall off my radar and I will move on. Truth is not everyone is meant to stay in your life. Some are lessons, some are wake-up calls and some are simply temporary because you or they served some purpose for personal growth—yours or theirs. It’s ok to let people go. It really is. It’s more of drain trying to hold on.

Respectfully, I bow out. #empowerment #selfworth #journey #personalgrowth

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