Parenting and Desperation

What do you do when you don’t know how to help your child?

What do you do when you don’t know who else to talk to?

Where do you go when you don’t know where to go?

How can you understand a child who doesn’t understand himself?

Being a parent is the most difficult job on the planet. If you have a child with emotional issues that he himself cannot unravel to better understand there is no way a parent can. You ask “What’s wrong? What’s going on?” and their response is “I don’t know.” Their emotional barometer is out of control and you find yourself losing control of yours too. What do you do? You take a time out to breathe, calm down, reassess, but your child is still spinning out of control. You call friends and family and professionals too, but no one has experienced what you’ve experienced but you. How can they possibly understand this little person who you birthed better than you? The bittersweet pill that has to be swallowed is that of being open to hear what someone else sees because you realize you do not. And you wonder, ‘how could I not see if I am the reason that he is even here?’ You feel as if you should know him best! Know all his quirks and pains and all the rest! Feeling defeated as you throw up your hands and you find yourself with a sense of helplessness and like your head has been in the sand. What do I not know? How could I have missed that this pain he is obviously feeling could even exist? Without my knowledge or permission to have invaded him? This is my child! How? How? How? You plea….the sorrow is deep and profound beyond the grasp of comprehending the strength of the quicksand in which your child is standing.

How does a parent stand to face the constant battle of the unknown that roars inside their child? By loving them through it. By covering them in love and truth all the while not losing ground. It is a special balance that so many parents find difficulty upholding. But we must. For the child’s sake and for the parents sake.

At all times your child must feel loved, even when being disciplined. Your child must always feel the ability to speak what he’s feeling, however must not forget that you are the parent. Your child must be given room to grow, but must always respect boundaries you set. Your child must always feel you understand, even when secretly you simply don’t, while never forgetting who you are in respect to who they are.

Parenting is tough and definitely not for the faint of heart.

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